VISUALLY ORIENTED
Almost nothing can spoil going shopping together, a leisurely walk, or a night out for dinner quicker than a man who gets caught looking at another woman by the woman he is with. This is a very sensitive matter even for some of the strongest of women. It is a matter that is easily offensive and hardly forgiven.
I dated a young lady one time (a very short period of time) whom it seemed that I would need to hold her hand to keep her from running into the walls because her eyes were so focused on me, watching to see if I’m looking at other women as we walked. It was terrible. By the time we got to the restaurant I had completely loss my appetite. It wasn’t bad enough that she’d ask me, “What’s wrong with you?” She’d say things like, “Would you rather be sitting here with that woman that you were undressing with your eyes?”
God’s word has a lot to say about sight, vision, imagination, focus, what to look at, and what not to look at. As a man, I offer no excuse for myself or any other man for the trouble we can sometimes get ourselves into because of what we see, look at, and focus on. However, what I have come to detest, in my maturing age, is being stereotyped with other men who use such pitiful excuses like, “I’m only a man, I can’t help myself”. As if these excuses are good enough reasons to expect compassion and understanding from the woman in this matter.
I have learned that there is a difference between “looking” and “seeing”. You can’t help “seeing” but you can help “looking”. The difference is “focus”. In my experiences, I’ve never heard a woman complain about what a man “sees”. What she does complain about is when a man “looks” at other women, as in going beyond seeing to “focusing”. What is focusing? Focusing happens in those more than necessary extra seconds of attention given to another. Focusing is confirmed when you go beyond seeing with your eyes, but now your head is turning. Everything after that (whistling, panting, cat-calling, drooling, etc.) is just plain criminal!
Is there a cure? Yes! Contrary to the usual defenses such as, “I can’t help myself”, “I’m only a man”, “I just can’t go around with my eyes closed”, and “God gave me eyes to see with”; there IS a cure. It’s called, “honor” and “respect”.
I have now disciplined myself to “see” and not “look”. It’s hard, but worth the efforts. I make conscious efforts to honor and be thankful for the beauty and presence of the person with me, and I make myself sensitive to her feelings. Knowing that she may look at me to see if I’m going to look at the other, I beat her to the punch and look at her with a flirting smile on my face for her! I may even give her a spontaneous compliment, which seems to work well in disarming a bomb before it has a chance to go off. And, guess what? IT WORKS!
